There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
