Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
