During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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