one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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