The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
