I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
