walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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