Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
