Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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