Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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