like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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