At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
