Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
