I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
