So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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