So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
