I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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