How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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