How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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