You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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