State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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