we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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