I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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