i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
