whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dignity is for republicans.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
