i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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