What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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