the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
