yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
