Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
