I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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