A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
