Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
