She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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