I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
is it fun? or sober?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
