FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
