1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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