I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
