I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize