He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize