One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
