Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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