Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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