i don't like sucking hair
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
