Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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