I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
