She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
