i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
