Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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