the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
