Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
