I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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