i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
