I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
