There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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