Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
