she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
