You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
