Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
