I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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