Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
