i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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