i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
