grandma shit on top of the toilet
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
