It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
