i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
