Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
