You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
