scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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