I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
