You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
